Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
