about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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