I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
