Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
