He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
