then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
