Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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