You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
