ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
