I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
