3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
