Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
