i permit you to call me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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