I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
