I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
