yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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