What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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