I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
