I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
