Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
