A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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