is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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