I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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