dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
