The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
