Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i love accidental penises.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
