This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
