so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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