Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
