Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
