you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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