in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
