So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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