whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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