This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
love makes seman taste better
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
