I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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