mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
