I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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