Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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