He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
