the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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