I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
