So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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