so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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