im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
time to smoke my breakfast
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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