I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
