I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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