I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
