You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
