YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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