Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
