i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
